JUST DO IT. tonight I'm going to stay up all night long to work on this. hopefully I don't pass out like I did last night. the whole midnight homework squad thing form 7th grade is hopefully coming back, that made the projects way less stressful. I'm gonna buy a bunch of energy drinks and sugary food. I'm behind but it's not to the point of where I usually am on these kinds of projects which makes me so happy I literary just have my interviews and learning longs, I can knock those out tonight. After I do that I can edit my site hopefully I can make it good pretty good. I can make a amazing presentation. I hope I can get my point across that this project is really about stereotypes and mental illness and Columbine was just the outlet I took. I hope my dad won't be too tried that he can't help me. Also I have a thingy were I get more time for projects but I really haven't had the privilege of that with anything so it kinda sucks I can't use it on this project. anyways my plan is blasting Green Day, getting junk food and energy drinks, and knocking this project out of the park.
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I don't know actually all I'm trying to do is get everything done. I'm trying my hardest to finish everything. This topic isn't the funnest thing in the world so it's kinda hard. I'm trying to do my project to music of bands I have very positive memories of with and when I'm home I try to do my project to movies and TV shows I like. I'm trying to minimize the boredom. I try to work in things I'm really passionate about into this project. I'm trying to have fun with the project. the interviews are so boring and I have to write 20 minutes worth of answers which is painful, like physically painful. I kinda coped with that by watching one of those teen movies because I'm really emotional and those movies are emotional which would distract me from the pain and boredom. I'm so glad we are almost done.
well it shows me I really enjoy history and it's literary the only thing I'm good at which is kinda sad but hey at least I'm good at something. I feel in high school I would like to do more things that involve history. I think it interests me so much because I can be like "same" to someone in history and I love doing that. I also really enjoy connecting historical events to today or seeing how history repeats itself. I feel once I'm old enough to actually do something with my life I would like to do something relating to history. I feel this shows me that I don't fit into the academic norm. I do love to learn but school does it in a way that makes it boring and doesn't give kids enough room to do what they love so you get bad grades from kids like me. If had more projects like this I feel school would be a lot more fun. I feel if I were a teacher I would have a ton of projects where kids get to pick what they want. I don't like being in academic lockstep I always end up behind because of this. I get we do have to learn things but everything is too structured. I also feel if I was normal school would be a lot easier but I'm not and I do want to be at the same time I not willing to change myself to fit in.
I mean it's kinda boring to write and write but I get to write about topics I'm really passionate about like WWII, sure I can't talk about the things I'm passionate about the topic meaning Niels Skov. It's still fun talking about WWII in general. The interview I was very useful and I got a lot of good stuff out of it and I feel that it was a lot of fun. I hope the other person I want to interview responds because I feel he has a much different perspective on the topic. I'm really enjoying the on edge feeling because I feel it would make his responds so much better. although it isn't a ton of fun feeling super excited whenever I get an email from classroom because I think it's him. I also really like being able to talk about this topic without feeling like I'm being judged as I'm saying what I'm saying because I know I can change anything I want. and I can not wait until I can talk about mental heath more. I really enjoy getting what I have to say on it out.
From the very beginning, before we even picked our topics, I faced a massive problem I had someone who I shall not name (mainly so I don't get in trouble, I'd gladly name her if I'd get in no trouble for doing so) tell lots of people lies about me and try to stop me from doing my project. She told both of my teachers lies about me and her own assumptions about me which aren't even close to the truth. She used a very Hitler like move. I feel going trough with this project is a massive spit in the face for her which makes me feel a lot better about doing this project. Honestly, someone at this school ruined Columbine for me with by dragging me down with their dumb Columbine decisions and their lack of feelings for the victims. I've had trouble dealing with that unnamed staff member I mean a lot and that was made my depression even worse and guess what happens when you are depressed? that's right, zero motivation. I've been trying my hardest to get the motivation to do what I need to do. My medication has helped but It's a big too powerful that it gives me too much energy and I can't sit still and work on my project. Other than those struggles, the work was been easy and pretty straight forward.
I'm learning I can turn things in on time if I really try. I feel like I've gotten better at putting my thoughts on paper and writing longer. I also learned I'm willing to do almost anything to make my project how I want it to look. the medicine I used to be on used to make me a bit slow like I couldn't write as fast as the other kids or solve math problems as fast as the other kids and the medicine I'm on right now is kinda doing the same thing so I've learned that I can over come that if I keep doing things like I'm doing things right now. I have as learn the extent of my empathy which personally I hate the fact I have so much empathy but everyone says it's a good thing so I guess it's a good thing. Being as empathetic as I am it makes it harder than it should be to do this project because knowing the stories of the victims or the victims families, like I'm reading Sue Klebold's book and hearing her grief and hearing about the grief of other families through her makes me feel really bad. Another problem I have met with this project is I have to figure out what what is opinion based media or false media, a lot of the stuff I looked at has very persuasive words which might lead me to believe false information or change my opinion with no facts or my personal beliefs of morals backing it. I feel like I've gotten at finding false media over this project
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